We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. ), It can also really take you by surprise. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. She didnt want to go to my graduation. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. If things aren't going well, if there's a lack trust, or if you don't feel secure, then it makes sense that anxiety might become an issue. Sorry if I sound morbid but its devastating. Slowly Im staying more time at home. So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. Things are never as simple as you think. Then she started talking that her family pressured her, about the meds and that she loved me, but had a really hard time. I really wish GoodTherapy.org would have some people, professionals or people who had past experiences in line with all the above comments and have them offer some advice and hope for everyone here. Maybe she doesnt want to tell you how much she wants you to be with her because she doesnt want to appear needy. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. I feel like iv become more of a tool for relief then her boyfriend, i feel as if she doesnt actually care for me but all she wants is me to make her happy. There has to be a time limit of when to say enough is enough. Mariella Frostrup tells him to stop always looking on the bright side. Can we all agree that that sounds pretty amazing, and most definitely "good? Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. Maybe your girlfriend finds talking to her friend, who also has the same kind of problem, helpful in some way. I experience the exact same thing you are talking about with my girlfriend for one year. Here are a few signs that the guy you're with is leaving you depressed. were so messed up its insane. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. Your story is pretty much identical to mine. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. I once found out my girlfriend was talking to some other guy. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Well, Ive dating this girl for the last half-year, after two years of deep depression, isolation, drugs & alcohol abuse and poverty. So that he loves himself. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. My girlfriend has jealousy along with paranoia, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder and some depression. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? I'm just not the same. ", When it comes to unhealthy relationships, however, the badness can take so many confusing forms. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. But you're dragging me down, yeah. And this is where our problems come in. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. If so, it could be that your relationship is wearing you out. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). Read the book co-dependent no more. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." thanks for everyone comments! I am not an expert in the world of women but if there is anything I have learned it is that women feel a whole range of emotions and only show/tell a few (or none). Ching, I thank the universe for you, and you for your response. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Its hell and theres a lot of doubt in your thoughts like is it my fault, Im I the same, can I not make someone happy, am i insensitive. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. The sad thing is when these ppl start showing their age and dont have their sh$t together. I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. But i just seem lost and i need answers, idk if i was harsh and Im totally new at this so Im sorry if i was being harsh and all but plz help. This is important: I have to tell you you will not find the cure, you can be there and support but please stop believing that it will make the problem go away. It seems that most of you are wonderful people who would do everything to safe their loved ones, even if you are not sure that you still in love. She is in a constant state of less sad at the best of times. "Trust is lost and conflict often results in anger and finger pointing." A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. I still dont know what to do and I feel terrible. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. Some people need to just help themselves. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. You create your own reality. To see a list of mental health professionals practicing in your area, simply enter your ZIP code here: Try thinking back to those in hard times (or look at the older texts again like you do, I do that too haha). v. 1. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? I feel trapped. Im there for her and she knows it. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. Move on with your life. She still will randomly text me I love you! The odd time but the girl I felt secure with seems to have left her conscience. 11 months ago I started dating my girlfriend and everything was amazing. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. Hi everyone, Dear M, If you would like to find a mental health professional for your girlfriend, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. You're so tired. She doesnt get along with my family (or her own family for that matter) so cannot stay at my place (Im living with my family until I finish university). when there is more unhappy than happy, its a problem and thats what we are going through. 10 Things That Happen If Your Relationship Is Draining Your Energy 1. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. This is verbatim my situation. Very often, when one takes on the role of caretaker, it becomes such a consuming task that the caretaker loses touch with himself/herself. I can know no one would have got solution. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. She will need manpower to make the move happen. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. And in one point of last month,she gave me a talk about how love is stupid and its just a distraction and that it doesnt last forever. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. This girl was everything I wanted, such a good partner, listener, so smart, sensitive. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. Ive been with my girlfriend for ten years, starting in college. Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. She wont go to counselling nor will she take medication, she hurts herself knowing that it hurts me because it means iv failed once again to make her happy. Its dragging me down and she wont listen to me and wouldnt want to change her way of thinking for herself or anyone, I hate to say this but I realized she is actually very stubborn and selfish. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. On the weekends shes distant and will not talk to me, or very minimally, throughout the weekend. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. All rights reserved. If you think youre a piece of poop, youre going to think others think that way too. It drives me nuts when she sleeps all day. Do they really want help? I lost my faith in myself, in my abilities, in my attractiveness, I also lost my job because I was physically sick because of stress. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. Get yourself some therapy to deal with the hurt and pain, then move on with your life. The yoyo effect lasts only so long and some people need to realize if people wont do something to help themselves there is nothing in this world you can do about it. Its a selfish decision either way. Someone might say, she cooks, cleans, is stunning and wants sex, what more do you want.. Youre so much less experienced and you know so much less than you think, Im not saying that as a criticism at all, Im sure youve been through more than I can imagine, but people have gone through this before and somehow got passed it to live their life for decades and decades. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. She blames herself for everything, and says incredibly negative and hurtful things about her self. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. Even she could not continue her studies and quit her studies.Its all because of she loves me to core and missing me much! Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. Look man its getting to the point where youre gunna have to tell some form of authority, whether it be the police or something else either way, shes gunna bring you down if nothing changes and youll become just like her in a flash. (Not married) Im fed up though. But of course this isn't the case in an unhealthy relationship. Its bad and I feel so trapped. I tried to break up with her but,she couldnt let me ago, how cant she,shes been saying were drifting apart were nothing you dont care about me just stop it.and now shes depressed,or think she is, and Im the one getting all the thoughts all the sadness. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. However, i was in a grade above her and graduated and proceeded to get a job so i could support our lives, this made texting hard as i had very early starts and it was very physically and mentally tiring work, however i still texted her as much as possible. Over the past year I dated someone that was unbalanced and going through a significant life transition. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. Me and my LDR girlfriend were originally together for 7 months, then took a break for 3, and now we are back together. And it started to bring me down even more. She lives 200 km away from me and The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. Yes, "envier" is a word. I love her so much, but I know Id rather deal with these issues now than a year or 2 into a relationship. Its very common, but you must break the cycle. Psychiatrists are the experts in the medical treatment of depression, and they will be able to provide better care than a general practitioner. I have been dealing with a depressed girlfriend for the last 3 months. As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. Dear Armand, She would start crying, shes wanted to leave home and then denied it the next day, I try to get her to talk about whats going on but she wont. I dont see it getting any better. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. You will only drag yourself down in the end. Some times its okay but those are only the times when things are easy. Lately she has been responding to me uncaringly and uninterested. I have become very weary, weak and helpless toward her, every piece of support I give her is taken with offence, as an insult of her character or some other negative quam brewed inside her hyperactive mind. im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. I used to be able to help her cheer up and have a good time with her whenever she was sad but now,I cant do anything without getting an attitude from her or saying something stupid. I wish you answers. I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. I feel you. It pisses me off. 2. When I have some me time to save my soul from drowning because of her, she said that I was selfish for leaving her for, like, a day! Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. Do something romantic. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. Im not really looking for advice with this, just getting something off my chest to the world. And as you deal with their negativity, you may find yourself no longer interested in things you used to find fun like going out, being social, or, you know, leaving the apartment. Once you are gone, she will find another enabler to take on her issues. You need to ask is that what you want for the rest of your life. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. This often happens when too much stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. I m still jobless for more than 2yrs thinking about her problems all the time.i can marry her after getting a good job.i feel like my life is hell and but I am not selfish too. (Cue that sad trombone. I would answer, I just want to feel free and safe. The GoodTherapy.org Team. It Feels Like They Always Ask Too Much. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. Relationships are supposed to be about equality. "Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. Warm regards, I hate her anxiety. Just stay focused on your ultimate goal with her and never lose site of how she was before depression. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. So I tried communicating a little more and making plans. She struggles to make friends and has isolated herself from the world. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. We started dating a few months after the divorce and (I admit we could have been more responsible of our actions) she is now pregnant with our first child. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. So the question, as you insightfully pose, is where do you go from here? We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. Well i have a very depressed girlfriend that i am dating at this moment which i do really love her which she is always unhappy when i go over her house. of each person. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. Before this everything was amazing, great relationship, we admitted to each other that we were in love and had fallen head over heals, amazing sex, I really felt like I had found my best friend. She might even need help to physically move some of the bigger items out (like a couch). Because of my own childhood, and my moms depression as a kid, I reflexively push her away when she gets very depressed, and have trouble acknowledging what shes going through. She might miss you. I am a twenty year old student. I cant stay wit her anymore. I have a problem and cant find anyone to tell Found that website and the posts here are very similar to mine. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. And one last thing, she really wants to be again successful, beautiful, smart, witty, and attractive for you more than anything else. past experiences? You're so shallow. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. Two nights ago after a weekend of not really talking that much as she was very down and I was super busy with work, we spoke on the phone and she told me she needed to be alone and deal with this, because her depression was the worst its ever been. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. We stopped having sex last year because of her trauma. He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. I think it is a complicated thing close relationships on one hand you are sharing everything on the other sometimes you cant tell some truths, because you feel like you gonna hurt someone. Like everything was depending on something else, like it was fragile structure. deep thoughts in my head And they just keep dragging me down there down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so deep Dragging me down so. At the end of the day, I just believe that depression was just an excuse. Tell her its either you or the ex, no friendships either. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. How do I approach the situation without hurting her feelings/making her feel bad? I dealt the final blow when I advised psychological follow-up over and over again. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. 1992 - Video directed by Dani Jacobs. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. Atlast I hate the word LOVE with cry. She talks like Im the only good thing in her life and I believe she truly feels that way. You are NOT responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors or others. So even if you don't initially make the connection, your relationship could be why you're always up at night. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. (You're so tired) But you just can't sleep. (Yikes.). I am essentially a caretaker now. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. The act of moving things out can be difficult to deal with. It may be subtle behaviors such as never showing an interest in you or socializing with your friends, or it could be outright insults that damage your sense of self-worth. Exactly. 3. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. First two years went well. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? 3. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. Youve asked some really important questions about yourself: Am I codependent? Whats my issue? What steps can or should I take? These questions are as important as they are complicated. Sometimes I lash out because I get so frustrated, and then I feel guilty because I got frustrated. Hugs. And here's hoping you both can turn things around, and have a little more of that "good.". First, if you are ever in crisis or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, it is very important you seek help immediately. She likes me to stay home with here all the time. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. As long as your eyes are open. I didnt know about it. That takes incredible patience and compassion, but it can also take a toll on you. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. I dunno maybe thats just me. The more. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. It's to the point where her depression is dragging me down with her, though I would never say that to her. Im really hurt, I know Im losing her, I am starting to become, once again, insecure, isolated, anxious. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! Life was perfect. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. I have a feeling I might just kill myself if this goes on. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment.

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